Okay, so I think I need to get back to what this blog was really meant to be about… The reason I don’t blog about abuse as often as I ought to, is because, it is harder than I ever realized to do so. In part, because it is painful and in part because I would rather blog about positive things and dwell on those things, I started this blog, to be blunt and honest about the abuse I went through, in hopes of maybe touching other people’s hearts in the process.
So here I go…
I thought, I would delve into one or some (i’m not sure yet) of the things my narcissistic sociopath father has pulled on me. I wonder how many can relate to similar treatment.
I’m choosing a more recent scenario (since i’ve been married. 8.5 years) My father always wanted a son, it is very obvious, and he looks for that opportunity anywhere he can find it. When my sister got married, he hoped he had a “son” in his son-in-law. His son-in-law didn’t measure up to my father’s standards of what a “son” should be like, so the negative talk about him through out the years began. He did not talk enough, he did not call at all, he didn’t go to the movies, or look to spend time with my father…do I blame him??? NO! He could do no right…In the eyes of my father.
Enter here, me getting married…another chance for my father to have a “son.” Well, my Hubby measured up somewhat more to what said father would expect. (although i wonder how much negative talk about my Hubby was going on behind our backs…i’m certain it was) My Hubby would talk to him, go out for coffee with him, even go to the odd movie with him. Until two things happened to stop him in his tracks…
I’m sure you would like to know what they are…
One, my Hubby began to realize that my father was having nothing to do with me (his own daughter). He would call my Hubby and talk to him and not even ask to talk to me, or inquire how I was. That really bothered my Hubby. It may have in a subconscious way with me, but I was so used to this treatment and happy not to have to talk to him. Talking to him would have almost been worse.
The second scenario that took place was on my Birthday, I did not receive so much as a phone call from my parents, which again is them thinking I haven’t been there enough to deserve said phone call. (not true just for the record…nothing i did would ever be enough for them)
Now lets jump to my Hubby’s Birthday, he got a phone call from my father wishing him a Happy Birthday, but not only that, he got a card with a check in it, written out to him as well.
Now my Hubby had watched the abuse going on all along, but really didn’t know how to handle it as this type of situation was all new to him.
This however pissed him off. He stopped doing anything with my father. He felt if my father was going to ignore me while spending time with him, it shouldn’t continue.
Hubby had plans to confront my father the next time, he attempted a get together, but we ended up moving away before that could happen. Hubby has had no contact since, it is too painful for him to see my father abusing me. Most, if not all the time, my father’s actions are deliberate almost calculated, to hurt me. I am thankful to have a Hubby who sees clearly what is going on, he was one of the first in my life that I’m aware of, to see it. It took him a long time though to let up on me about making an effort with my parents, but more so because he didn’t want me to lose them.
It finally sunk in for him, that I had already lost them, and to allow them in my life, was toxic for me. He is sad for me but supports me 100% and that is a blessing.
He is my family, my friends are my family, they are just relatives. Sometimes even when it goes against everything in us, (especially with relatives) we have to remove toxic people from our lives. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them, it just means, we love ourselves and can’t allow that abuse to continue.
I can hear all the negative talk going on about my Hubby and I in my mind, since we have moved and have very limited contact; but…I now know, it is them and there is nothing wrong with me! Well I guess one example was enough for today
Can any of you relate? What is your story? I would love to hear from you.
There is hope!
